A hard mix
I had the camera outside this morning to shoot some of DH's paintings before he frames them up and takes them on the road to a few upcoming art fairs -- actually, he de-framed a couple so there's some re-framing going on. Anyway, the hydrangeas and balloon flower were blooming up a storm right behind me and I trained my lens on them, too.
I played around with this image a bit in Photoshop. I added a layer with another image, applied a mask and used a brush to reveal certain parts, adjusting opacity along the way. Then I duplicated the layer and played around with opacity some more and also changed the mode of the layer to something called Hard Mix.
It's that kind of day today. My sister's cancer has spread, the diagnosis has changed some... layers, masks, brushes, opacity, mode... a hard mix.
I'm pretty much at a loss for words except for ones like shit, damn, fuck, crap, cancer sucks, shit, damn, and fuck again. And I'm a little bit numb. I'm focusing on the little things, simple tasks and right now that is to find something beautiful, find some joy, find something happy -- find a smile -- everyday.
There are no words mean enough for cancer. After my dad got sick, I began to live by a new mantra: it's the time you have, not the time you want. It makes it easier somehow.
Posted by: Kate | 12 August 2009 at 01:42 PM
I've been sitting here in shock trying to find the right words to say to you, for you. The mind is either blank or filled to over capacity with emotion and desire to take some of your pain away. The beauty you create through your photography, the focus of creation and the details you capture fill my emptiness with warmth and joy. I pray it does something the same for you. I'm here to listen anytime and will give anything I can to help you through.
Posted by: Margene | 12 August 2009 at 02:00 PM
Suck - the cancer sucks. Hang in there. Breathe.
Posted by: Beth in Seattle | 12 August 2009 at 02:01 PM
Those are the perfect words for cancer. My heart goes out to you and your family, I'll be thinking of you all.
Posted by: Geek Knitter | 12 August 2009 at 02:52 PM
Those are the only words to say. Loudly and often.
I can only say words to you like, "I'm so sorry...you
and she will be in my thoughts...take care of yourself..."
Posted by: Lee | 12 August 2009 at 04:26 PM
I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Emma | 12 August 2009 at 05:58 PM
Sucks indeed. I'm sending good thoughts, for what it's worth - the good thoughts of a complete stranger, to your sister and your whole family.
Posted by: Sarah R | 12 August 2009 at 06:33 PM
I am so sorry. Good advice from others. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.
Posted by: kmkat | 12 August 2009 at 07:00 PM
I'm so sorry. I wish you all strength & courage!
Posted by: Gillian | 12 August 2009 at 10:04 PM
I feel your pain. Those sound like good words for cancer. I don't have great words to console, so here come some cyber hugs via the internet -- *hugs*
Posted by: Jennifer Jackson | 13 August 2009 at 12:15 AM
I'm sorry she has to deal with this. I'm at a loss of words too.......but I think you had some pretty good ones there..... Hold tight --- prayers being sent your way.....
Posted by: Lisa | 13 August 2009 at 07:46 AM
Well, that just really stinks. My heart goes out to you, your sister, and your family.
Posted by: cursingmama | 13 August 2009 at 07:52 AM
Shit.
Posted by: deb | 13 August 2009 at 10:36 AM
I'm so sorry....
Posted by: Melanie | 13 August 2009 at 11:24 AM
My thoughts are with you. My sister, too, has been battling cancer and so often there are no words except those you say to Him.
Posted by: Charlotte | 13 August 2009 at 01:45 PM
That is such hard news to receive, Vicki. Big hugs for your sister, you, and the rest of your family. Your look for joy or beauty each day is heartening.
Posted by: Angie | 13 August 2009 at 08:44 PM
I feel like I've been numb for the last year, since JR's diagnosis and surgery. He's doing well, no cancer cells, but it has changed our lives in such a way that the four letter words aren't descriptive enough.
Praying for your family.
Posted by: lynne | 14 August 2009 at 01:50 PM
oh VIcki, what to say? thinking of you..
Posted by: flair | 15 August 2009 at 06:42 AM
Way behind in my blogs as usual and I saw your post. I am thinking of you and your sister Vicki (I understand only too well how surreal and scary this shit is). Your passion for life is what helps you to live well and live with courage.
Posted by: Cynthia | 31 August 2009 at 03:33 PM