One of those days
A few years ago, having cried myself across 2/3 of the country after dropping Katie off at college in Northern California, I found myself within an hour of my Northeast Wisconsin home, still crying, but thinking about Ali and Maddy, whom I hadn't seen in over a week, and that, even though I was (or was not) emotionally dealing with the Katie situation, I had to pull myself together so my girls would know how happy I was to see them!
Not before pulling over in the industrial park in Beaver Dam for one last cry to get it all out.
It's kind of how I'm feeling today... last night... yesterday; it's one (or a couple/few) of "those days." Truthfully, the whole week could easily go to hell in a handbasket... or, as my sister Sharon might say, "to purgatory in a shopping cart."
There's a word for that...
It's Sharon's & Karen's birthday today and I'm a little more emotional about it than I thought I'd be. I'm sure it doesn't help that in two days, it will be six months since Sharon died. A follow-up call from hospice yesterday morning sort of put me over the edge... they were more than wonderful, but I was a) surprised and b) already sort of wigged out and c) I don't think they realized her birthday was today. I'm not sure how I came off to them.
I made that cake! My first memorable foray into baking... I think the twins were 10. The recipe was from the Betty Crocker Junior Cookbook that my grandma gave me -- from which the only other recipe I remember making was Cinnamon Balls on Mother's Day mornings for Mom -- and I wish I still had it.
So, I'm sad about Sharon but happy about Karen, who is about 5 weeks through Couch-to-5K and actually ran her first 5K a couple of weeks ago, finishing 2nd (I think) in her age group and posting a FANTASTIC time. You may recall that she is doing the run leg of the triathlon relay in August with Annie (swimming) and me (cycling). Our team name is S.O.S. which can mean "Sisters of Sharon" or "Save Our SorryAsses" or just plain "HELP!" whichever is most appropriate given the situation.
I was crying as I drove around after leaving work last night, trying to figure out whether I could pull it together enough to join my camera group on what sounded like a fun downtown scavenger photo shoot-out thingy... or knit night, which I haven't been to in over a year. I kept thinking that it would be good to do something, be around people... ugh, my energy level was just not there for either and I just could not. I went home and had a beer while Rusty cooked me supper.
On the way, I decided that I had to turn the ship around and CELEBRATE! Karen, obviously... as Addy said, "We still have Karen!" (oh, how I love that boy)... but also Sharon -- all of the wonderful, funny, quirky things that made us love her so. It always makes me laugh when I think of how she'd screw up common sayings (what IS the word for that?), changing the words but still conveying the original meaning. Telling me that she had to "get back up on the horse" instead of "back in the saddle," or my all-time favorite "old mothers' fables" for "old wives' tales."
I sure do miss her.
Happy Birthday, Sharon & Karen!! I love you so much.
Not really malaprops, but her own version of malaprops.
Kind of like Japanese English! Old mothers' fables is just the BEST.
I know nobody knows anybody else's subjective experience but I do know, I really do.
And your vintage photos are amazing.
Posted by: Kay | 15 June 2011 at 09:13 AM
What beautiful memories you have of your sister. Happy birthday to Karen and *warm fuzzies* for the lot of you.
Posted by: Heather | 15 June 2011 at 09:31 AM
Happy birthday, Karen! We miss you Sharon.
Posted by: Jennifer Darner Wolfe | 15 June 2011 at 10:01 AM
Sometimes, when we're dancing along The Edge, we fall through The Trapdoor. It's dark and lonely down there . . . so here's a flashlight and a ladder for getting out. When you're ready. :-) Sending you much love today.
Posted by: Kym | 15 June 2011 at 10:16 AM
I'm thinking of you, Vicki. Not easy. Thank you for sharing this post with us -- I'd love of piece of that cake right about now.
Posted by: Kathy | 15 June 2011 at 10:23 AM
Your posts about family are the best. Your love comes through, your warmth and passion, too. It's wonderful Rusty cooked dinner for you as you always give so much of yourself. You deserve TLC, too.
Posted by: margene | 15 June 2011 at 11:17 AM
Thank you for reminding us to appreciate what we have.
Posted by: (Another) Joan | 15 June 2011 at 12:12 PM
I just happened on you blog and what a great post to fall into, life works out like that sometimes :) Lovely!
Posted by: the crazy suburban mom | 15 June 2011 at 12:16 PM
I understand. And you just never know when sneaky grief is going to bite you in the ass. I hope you have better days ahead.
Posted by: Carole | 15 June 2011 at 02:52 PM
Beautiful! Grief is one way of celebrating... the person missed and all the love and memories. Sometimes we celebrate with cake and singing and dancing and sometimes with tears.
Posted by: Birdsong | 15 June 2011 at 08:46 PM
Posted by: kmkat | 16 June 2011 at 01:56 PM
thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Lynne | 23 June 2011 at 06:50 AM